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Funny Quotes

“My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.”
— Milton Berle —

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”
—Jeffree Star —

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
— Bob Hope —

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.”
— Oliver Herford —

“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”
— George Bernard Shaw —

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on”.
— Winston S. Churchill —

“This is my depressed stance. When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better. If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this.”

― Charles M. Schulz —

“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”

— Rodney Dangerfield —

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

— Albert Einstein —

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”
— Phyllis Diller —

 

 

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Christmas Quotes

Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won’t make it ‘white.’
—Bing Crosby—

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
—Burton Hills—

It’s Christmas Eve. It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.
—Frank Cross, “Scrooged”—

Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.
—Ruth Carter Stapleton—

The true Christmas spirit is putting others’ happiness before our own, and finding you’ve never known such happiness.
—Toni Sorenson—

God never gives someone a gift they are not capable of receiving. If He gives us the gift of Christmas, it is because we all have the ability to understand and receive it.
—Pope Francis—

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things—not the great occasions—give off the greatest glow of happiness.
—Bob Hope—

Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance—a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.
—Augusta E. Rundel—

The Christmas message is that there is hope for a ruined humanity–hope of pardon, hope of peace with God, hope of glory–because at the Father’s will Jesus became poor, and was born in a stable so that thirty years later He might hang on a cross.
—J.I. Packer—

You can never truly enjoy Christmas until you can look up into the Father’s face and tell him you have received his Christmas gift.
—John R. Rice—

Coffee Quotes

You can’t buy happiness but you can buy coffee and that’s pretty close.

Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility.
— Sheik-Abd-al-Kadir —

Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.
— David Lynch —

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.”
— Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. —

What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.
— Henry Rollins —

You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.
— Adam Gopnik —

Coffee is already known to be a preventative factor against mild depression, Parkinson’s disease, and colon and rectal cancers.”
— Chris Kilham —

Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis — a good hot cup of coffee.
— Alexander King—

If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.
— David Letterman—

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
— Earl Wilson —

 

 

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Technology Quotes

Technology is anything that wasn’t around when you were born.
– Alan Kay (Computer Scientist)-

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
– Albert Einstein (Scientist)-

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
-Elbert Hubbard (Author)-

The art challenges the technology, and the technology inspires the art.
– John Lasseter (Director)

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
– -Sydney Harris (Journalist)-

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.”
-Albert Einstein-

“The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.”
-Bill Gates-

“A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets.”
-Steve Jobs, Apple-

 

 

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Religious Quotes

“God never said that the journey would be easy, but He did say that the arrival would be worthwhile”

– Max Lucado

“God will meet you where you are in order to take you where He wants you to go.”

–Tony Evans

“Remember who you are. Don’t compromise for anyone, for any reason. You are a child of the Almighty God. Live that truth.”

–Lysa Terkeurst

“If you can’t fly, then run, If you can’t run, then walk, If you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”

–Martin Luther King Jr.

“The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me,’ or ‘Help me.’”

–Billy Graham

“If you believe in a God who controls the big things, you have to believe in a God who controls the little things.  It is we, of course, to whom things look ‘little’ or ‘big’.”

–Elisabeth Elliot

 

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Family quotes

The family is the test of freedom; because the family is the only thing that the free man makes for himself and by himself

Gilbert K. Chesterton

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life – to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.

George Eliot

Everyone needs a house to live in, but a supportive family is what builds a home.

Anthony Liccione

To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.

Confucius

Think of your family today and every day thereafter, don’t let the busy world of today keep you from showing how much you love and appreciate your family.

Josiah

There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human, are created, strengthened and maintained.

Winston Churchill

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Uplifting Quotes

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”

– David Brinkley

“Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.”

– William James

“Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.”

– Jacques Prevert

You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”

– James Allen

“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.”

– George Lorimer

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

– Mary Anne Radmacher

“If it’s not exactly like you thought it would be, you think it’s a failure. What about the spectrum of colors in between.”

– Sara Evans

“In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now. The precise moment I was in was always the only safe place for me.”

– Julia Cameron

“To succeed, you have to do something and be very bad at it for a while. You have to look bad before you can look really good.”

– Barbara DeAngelis

 

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Success Quotes

The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.

Warren Buffett

Living our life deeply and with happiness, having time to care for our loved ones – this is another kind of success, another kind of power, and it is much more important.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.

Herbert Bayard Swope

I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.

Helen Keller

You have reached the pinnacle of success as soon as you become uninterested in money, compliments, or publicity.

Thomas Wolfe

Success is not greedy, as people think, but insignificant. That is why it satisfies nobody.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.

Robert Kiyosaki

 

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Love Quotes

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

James Baldwin

In the end we discover that to love and let go can be the same thing.

Jack Kornfield

Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever – only, nothing is eternal.

Audre Lorde

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.

William Arthur Ward

We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.

William E. Gladstone

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

Washington Irving

I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.

Marilyn Monroe

 

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